i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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