is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
