If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
