had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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