Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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