So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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