Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize