How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
