why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My cat gives me a boner
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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