he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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