Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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