I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
