Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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