Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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