Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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