we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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