if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
