so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
