i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
