Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
