He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
