DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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