I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
