9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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