On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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