Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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