Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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