Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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