my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
