No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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