i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize