Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
