I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
