Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The air was thick with penises
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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