He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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