we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love having hate sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
