i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
