3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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