I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
