we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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