why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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