i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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