Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
