what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
