i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
