i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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