He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need moral support for this bender
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
