I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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