Christians are straight up FREAKS
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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