Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
