i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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