Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
there is glitter all over my balls
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