Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
