I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
