Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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