what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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