I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont even know how to be here
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Randomize
