I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
