I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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