I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
