remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
