it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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