respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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