So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
