Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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