I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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