Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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